How to Delete Facebook Page: The Nitty Gritty

Listen up, folks. It’s time to talk about deleting your Facebook page. I know – the idea of parting ways with your precious Facebook presence fills you with more dread than a surprise prostate exam. You’ve spent years cultivating your page, adding pics of your dog, sharing memes, and arguing with strangers in the comments. The thought of hitting ‘delete’ gives you a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

But here’s the thing: Facebook fucking sucks. It’s a toxic cesspool of narcissism, misinformation, and targeted advertising designed to harvest your data. Getting off Facebook is like finally kicking a bad heroin habit. The withdrawal sucks at first, but once you reach the other side, you’ll feel free for the first time in ages.

So in this post, I will walk you through how to delete Facebook page, step by goddamn step. I’ll also explain why you should delete your page and why it will improve your life. Because let’s face it – Facebook has become a cancer on society. The sooner we cut it out, the better.

Why You Should Delete Your Facebook Page

I’m sure you have all sorts of reasons why you think you can’t delete your Facebook page. Let me take a wild guess at a few of them: “But my friends will wonder what happened to me!” Yeah, real friends don’t need Facebook to stay in touch. 

Pick up the phone and call them, or meet up for a beer.“But how will I remember people’s birthdays?” Here’s an idea: write them in your calendar or phone like we did back in the old days. No app required.“But I need it for work/school!” Bullshit. 

If your work or school demands you have a Facebook account, it’s time to find a new job or school.But my dog’s Instagram depends on it!” Too bad. Your dog will learn to live without the validation of strangers.

Here are just a few of the many reasons why you SHOULD delete your Facebook page today:

• Facebook makes you depressed and anxious by giving you an endless highlight reel of everyone else’s lives to compare yourself to.
• Facebook spreads misinformation faster than a hooker with herpes. Anti-vaxxers, flat-earthers, election deniers – they all thrive on Facebook.
• Facebook makes money by stalking you and selling your data. Every like, share and click gets sent straight to their database.
• Facebook algorithms promote outrage and controversy to boost “engagement.” All the political fighting is by design.
• Facebook wrecks your attention span with endless scrolling and dopamine hits. Cold turkey is the only cure.
• Zuckerberg and Co. are shady as fuck. Remember when they secretly experimented on users’ emotions? Or all those privacy scandals? Who knows what else they’re up to behind the scenes?

I could go on, but you get the point. Facebook is a toxic swamp of humanity’s worst impulses, overseen by shady robber barons. It’s time to get the hell out of Dodge.

How to Delete Facebook Page Step-by-Step

Convinced yet? Good. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of how to delete your Facebook page for good. I’ll walk you through it slowly, using small words and simple instructions so even the most tech-challenged among you can follow along.

Here’s how to delete your Facebook page on your desktop:

• Go to Facebook.com and log into your account.
• Click on the upside-down triangle in the top right and select “Settings & Privacy” from the menu.
• On the left sidebar, click “Settings.”
• Click “Your Facebook Information” in the menu at the top.
• Click “Deactivation and Deletion.”
• Choose “Permanently Delete Account” and click “Continue to Account Deletion.”
• Enter your password and click “Permanently delete account.”

It’s done. Your Facebook page is now slated for destruction, pending a 30-day “cooling off” period in case you change your mind. After 30 days, it will be gone forever.

To delete your page from mobile:

• Open the Facebook app and tap the three-line menu button.
• Scroll down and select “Settings & Privacy” then “Settings.”
• Tap “Your Facebook Information” then “Deactivation and Deletion.
• Select “Permanently Delete Account” and confirm your choice.
• Enter your password and tap “Permanently delete account.”

Boom. Your mobile Facebook page is also on death row, awaiting its 30-day execution.

What to Expect When You Delete Facebook

Once you pull the trigger on deleting your Facebook page, here’s what you can expect:

• You’ll immediately feel a huge wave of relief wash over you like you passed a kidney stone the size of a golf ball. Sweet, sweet freedom!
• You’ll habitually reach for your phone for the first week to check Facebook. When you remember it’s gone, do a little happy dance instead.
• You’ll suddenly have tons of free time now that you’re not endlessly scrolling. Use it to learn a new skill or take up a hobby.
• Your real friends will try to stay in touch if they care about you. Don’t worry about the rest.
• Targeted ads will follow you around the internet like a needy ex. Stay strong, and don’t get sucked back in.
• After 30 days, your page will be permanently deleted. You can finally say goodbye to Facebook for good!

The withdrawal symptoms will pass before you know it. Stay committed, and soon you’ll feel better than ever.

Frequently Asked Questions:

In Conclusion, Delete Your Fucking Facebook

The time has come, folks. Deleting your Facebook page won’t be easy initially, but rip that band-aid off fast. Treat it like ending a toxic relationship – block that ex and delete their number!

Your mental health and privacy will thank you. Don’t believe Zuck’s bullshit about Facebook bringing people together. Social media is tearing us apart.

So be brave, pull the plug on your Facebook page, and take the first step towards a happier, healthier life. You’ve got this! Now go forth and delete that fucker.